When I was pregnant with Isabella, I considered cord blood banking. We then discussed just donating it, and was told that the banks charge huge amounts for those in need to actually get it. I was disgusted with that and chose not to do it.
On further contemplation, I now see they can treat stroke victims with cord blood. I had the awful realization that if I had gone ahead and banked Bella's cord blood for ourself (like I wanted too) my grandfather might have been able to get the transplant and have the affects of his stroke reversed.
My grandfather means the world to me. This weighs heavily on my mind today. I know that I cannot go back, and it is useless to beat myself up. But the "if onlys" are big for me today.
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it is hard to keep yourself from dwelling on the "if onlys", but try to remember that you weren't alone in making your decision. God helped you out and I hope that you can take comfort in knowing that he guides us on the path we need to take and sometimes it takes a long time to realize why. Sometimes we never do.
Don't beat yourself up, honey. I know you are hurting, but I think I can guess that your grandfather would not want to think of you in turmoil like this.
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