Saturday, July 30, 2005

Someone asked fat people on a message board

" why do you take it to heart (when people call you fat)??? Do you think you're lazy? Substandard? Unattractive? Unlovable? Nasty? Why?"
I will answer honestly.
I am fat - not - because I am lazy or overeat, but because I have a stupid medical disorder that makes me produce too much insulin which then converts to fat and settles on my body. No matter what I do. Medication for the insulin, yeah, that is great. I stop gaining weight, but I still don't lose any.
Why do I take it to heart? Because I wasn't always this way. I used to be the size 2 skinny bitch with a 23 inch waist. And I do nothing differently now than I did then. So I think of it as being out of my "control" since I can't seem to do anything about it. I take it to heart because I feel ugly. I can't look at myself in the mirror without crying. I never want to be intimate with my husband because of how I look and how I feel about how I look.
I take it to heart because I don't want to be "that mom" to my children...."the mom" that they are ashamed to bring over their friends because of how I look. I know that is not them now, but it might be some day. And I don't ever want to be "THAT mom"
I take it to heart because I HATE everything about how I look and feel emotionally. And I feel judged. I feel like people look at me and think "oh if she just exercise more" or "oh she eats a ton! I bet if she ate less....."you know what people?? I exercise, I eat less...and it DOESN'T FREAKING WORK! I get tired of the assumption that FAT=lazy overeater. If that person making the assumption could spend just 1 day inside my body, and feel how I do...they would never think that again.
so that is why I take it to heart

Friday, July 29, 2005

Women, must read..story of grace, elegance, and REVENGE

The Perfect Dress (and the perfect revenge story)

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!"

6 kids, and my first FB up the nose

foreign body that is!
I had a great start today. You know, sometimes it is just hard being motivated to do a lot in a household my size. And then to actually have the energy to act on the motivation...well, you are asking a lot there! But alas, I digress. I got up this morning and made banana bread. Good huh? I then proceeded to made my berry yogurt sauce, cooked my chicken for tonights chicken saute. I was on a roll right? So I got lunch done, washed 3 loads of laundry, 1 load of dishes. I am doing good huh?? I even started to clean the upstairs.
But something had to go wrong right?
Alexis comes in saying her nose hurts-and is picking at it. I think she must have a booger, so I lookand can't find anything there. She keeps digging and crying. This goes on for about 30 minutes and she says she put something up there, but then will not tell me what.I call the doctors office, and sure enough, they say "Take her in"
So I have to clean and dress all 6 kids and we load up in the suburban to head to the doctors office. She of course falls alseep on the way.
So I am chasing Isabella around the doctors office and trying to keep her from playing on the phone while this little old man sits and laughs while he watches. I am not sure if it was laughter of pleasure from watching her, or laughter at watching my fat butt run around after her! but a few minutes later BANG!! yup, Isabella fell into the wall while running and now has a large goose egg on her forehead (which is a lovely shade of BLUE)
So we finally get back there to the procedure room (and I am thinking "we are going to find nothing there!!) and sure enough..there is a PEANUT!! ALL way up there! It was so far up there he had to really dig. He said I took her in fast enough that there should be no skin damage...but dayum that thing was big! I'd cry too! 6 kids, and I never had this happen!
So we brought home the peanut in a jar.

Monday, July 25, 2005

We are buying a house!

After all these years of financial struggle we are buying a home. All of our debt is paid off. We have new vehicles that are paid in full. And we are moving into a new home in less than 3 weeks.I can't believe it! I never thought we would get here.
Having our family was always more important than having lots of money and material things. And it has worked out.
I am so excited. I can't hardly even type coherently

Thursday, July 07, 2005

More results for Noah

wow-what an appointment. he told me so much stuff my head was spinning and still is! I hope that I can type it all correctly.
Noah has neurological injury (we knew that), neurogenic irritability (hyper-irritability) and nonverbal learning disorder--all related to having a stroke at some point in this life.
We don't know if it was before he was born or after. he theorized possibly before birth as noah has a tight cord that could have kinked-causing blood flow to slow and clot and cause a stroke. that would also explain his lack of movement the day they induced me. he also mentioned Factor 5 disorder in me-possibility of me having it that would cause the stroke in noah and possibly be part of kaitlyn's brain hemorrhage 3 years ago.
With his hyper-irritability, he wants to medicate with an anti-anxiety/depression medication to see if he can get him to "work right." He said that he felt I was pretty intune with Noah and what was going on with him, and that I would be able to give them a good evaluation of him on the meds.
After I evaluate him on that, he will then see if we want to continue with meds, do further evaluations and possibly add in therapy if it is still needed.
man-I don't know if I should be relieved at having some answers, or even more confused at what it all means.
And all this is in addition to the possibility that he still has aspergers since a lot of his symptoms are the same, and he will not diagnose that until he puts him on the meds and see if he improves and doesn't look aspergers anymore.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Don't mess with this woman and her SUBURBAN!!

so we go to fireworks last night. as we are leaving there are cars that formed a T shape to leave. we were in the part trying to merge with the major line..(of course) and were sitting there for 20 minutes.
so this stupid bleach blonde broad (yes, I used the word broad!!) comes up right between us and starts to cut me off. I get pissed and start gesturing...and she pulls up really fast and cuts me off. I of course get even more pissed and slam on the horn. SHE LAUGHS!!!! Laughs!!! and will not look at me.
So I am sitting there, seriously in the mood for some road rage. I had the urge so bad to jump out of the suburban and yank her skinny ass out of her vehicle and start pounding on her!! (me-who has never been in a fight before-I swear my hormones must be out of wack!!!) After another 10 minutes of not moving, I finally look at dh (who luckily was driving) and I tell him..."BACK UP" so he backs up. I tell him "CUT... THE.... BITCH.... OFF!!!!!!"
so he pulls in front of her just a little. she tries to get around me, but we are bigger than her!! *insert evil laugh*
the line moves, we sucessfully move in front of her and cut her off!!! she was PISSED!!
then we stopped and talked to some friends (with this lady fuming behind me) and proceed to let about 10 cars go in front of us just to piss her off some more.
yes-it was a great 4th! and I laughed my ass off all the way home!!
Girls and big trucks!! gotta love it!