Thursday, January 11, 2007

Worst Mother of the Year

Yup-I swear this is me.
I just can't do it anymore. Noah is beyond my control. The medications are not helping. The doctor has yet to switch him from the zoloft to the has been a month since our last visit-and yet, he is still on the medications that make him worse.
I don't know what to do with him. No discipline works. He is acting out. He is stealing from the stores. He is stealing from people. He is lying all the time. His agression is worse. We can't get through to him. I don't know what to do. I dread answering the phone because it always seems to be the school calling to tell me one more thing he has done wrong. But realistically? they are picking on him....they see him do something wrong and they punish him without bothering to find out the whole story. So Noah is being bullied in school, and then being punished for reacting. The principle is a total joke. Seriously. A real class act.
And you know what? It is my fault. *I* made the choice to send him back to school this year because I could not handle him at home anymore. I thought it would be good...and I think if he would have gotten a teacher that is more than a "first year" teacher right out of school, one that actually gave a crap about him--this wouldn't be happening.
Shawn is no help with him. He doesn't understand-and gets so frustrated with Noah-and the reacts in the wrong way repeatedly. I know he tries, but it is so hard to be the one having this all on her shoulders.
A few weeks ago - I broke down and just wished for one second that he wasn't here. That is horrible of me. I can't even believe I thought it for one second. I don't deserve to be a mother.

I just don't even know what to do.

No comments: