I am so proud of Noah

I know I have posted about Noah's neurological issues before. He was diagnosed with a brain injury related to a stroke he had in-utero. He is also tentative aspergers. he has a disconnect in the processes of his brain and has anger issues, issues with self soothing etc.

We have been working on medications this last year to try and slow things down in his brain so that he can function. He went back to public school this year and really struggled at first. He was failing. He was being bullied all the time . The teacher would not listen when I told him his process of learning. We finally got through to her, and she changed her ways with him.

We found that the zoloft he was on was actually exaggerating his problems and making them worse and we switched to a new medication (trazadone) in January, and it has been a world of difference. he is finally affectionate. He will allow me to hug him and will also initiate a hug. For almost 8 years we have had the opposite...he would pull away if you tried to touch hi. I cry almost every time because I just can't believe it is him! (he actually climbed up on the couch and sat next to me the other day and then leaned over and SNUGGLED ME! I looked at Shawn with this dumbfounded look on my face and he was looking at me the same way!

He has made the honor roll 3 quarters in a row now...today his award was for "high honor roll" which is straight-A's!

He also WON A BIKE from the local car dealership for perfect attendance.

I am so proud of him. I am so glad to finally see him happy. To see a smile on his face.
And he has actually made a FRIEND!I just had to share-it was such a hard decision to start him on medications, but now I am so glad that we did.

Got the results

Apparently, I do indeed have gallstones. How many or how big, I have no idea because I forgot to ask. The pain that ended me up in the ER was an attack, and I had pain constantly for a week after that-just not as severe.
I have kind of expected this. I have been having intestinal issues for 1 1/2 years and with my family history-I kind of suspected. It is nice to have an answer now-but it really sucks for finding things to eat.
Most things I eat sends me into pain or into the bathroom. It is pretty miserable. For now, Dr. Lowder wants to try and keep me good with diet so that we do not have to do surgery while I am pregnant. I can understand that - but man this sucks big time.
Yes, I know pregnancy increases chances of gallstones. Yes, I know about flushes. Yes I know everyone and their dog "knows someone else that has gone through this and they were just fine." I get that. I don't have to be reminded everytime I talk about it! LOL

So this means for me, not risking going to far from home until the pregnancy is over. I have a hyperirritable uterus and with the pain comes contractions. I cannot risk being too far from home, the ER and my OB if a bad attack were to send me into preterm labor.
It also means that I am going to have to go almost totally vegan/raw. Just about everything I eat right now is a trigger....but hey, gives me something new to concentrate on right?

I see OB again tomorrow. We will find out when the u/s will be. Plus we will talk more about this crap that is going on.

Not much to report today

I am still waiting on the results from my abdominal u/s from yesterday....resulting from a trip to the ER this weekend. My gallbladder, pancreas, aorta etc...all were checked yesterday. The pain I had this weekend was excrutiating...I'd almost say worse than a contraction! So now we sit and wait. It was a big mess in the ER and I won't even start with writing it all down here, suffice it to say-I wouldn't trust going in there again.

Good news is, I have been feeling the baby move. The ER could not find FHT's on the baby Sunday night so my OB had me come in for a quick check Monday morning. Not only is my fundal height higher than it should be for how far along I am (and we are SURE on dates) but I have an anterior placenta again. Heart looked good on baby and was beating fast. When he was looking for it, he got to one spot and as we heard the baby move on the doppler I felt it too....so all those little movements really were the baby! At only 14 weeks! :) I think the u/s that day was the first time I have actually cried during a scan...I was just so relieved to see the baby was ok.

So..now it is a waiting game to see how long it takes the radiologist to get her report to my OB. I hope it soon.

It is with great sadness tonight

that I share the passing of a great friend, Patsy.

Patsy was diagnosed with lung cancer in August of last year. She was ill with a cough for many months and the doctors never did a chest x-ray. By the time they checked, she had a tumor in her lung and the cancer had spread to her liver and brain.

Patsy fought very hard. We ran auctions to do fundraisers for the family and I collected quilt sqaures from our online communities to make her a quilt.

She was doing "fair" up until 3 days ago. Thursday. She was admitted to the hospital and went downhill from there. Today she was in a coma on life support.

She took her last breath at 9:30 EST. She leaves behind a husband and 7 children.

Patsy, I will always think of you when I see Captain Jack Sparrow. May you and your family have peace.

I will miss you.

Homeschooling and Socialization

http://www.inflatablestudios.com/
I came across this today and found it quite funny
I hear this all the time. "what about socialization?"

My answer? I want them to be civilized. Not socialized. And truly-what socialization do they learn at school? They learn to sit in a desk. They are told not to talk. And then they run around for 15 minutes at recess beating on each other. Teachers don't teach social skills. Parents do.

Humble

Until this week, I don't think I truly ever got what it meant to "be humbled"
I think I understand now.

Since I found out I was pregnant, I have struggled so much with upset feelings. Feelings of dismay, of anger, of indifference.
I had truly believed that we were done having kids and I was very excited contemplating what was going to be in store for me and our family in the next few years.
I had my plan set. School, maybe a trip.

Then this baby came and knocked me off my feet. I was in shock. Denial. Angry. Disbelieving. I kept wondering "WHY" Why did Heavenly Father do this to us? I was so very unhappy and have struggled to accept it.

Then the last 24 hours, I had the wind knocked out of me. And by a fictional book and television show to say the least. I was reminded of what was important.
It started last night watching TV. There were 2 scenarios. One was of a single woman who was getting older and wanted desperately to have a child. She had terminated a previous pregnancy and now found that she was out of time. She had no chance of having a baby. She had no eggs left. She was devastated.
The second was of a huge messy triangle of people that involved several men, a surrogate and a mother to be. Watching the desperation for a baby. Seeing the emotions when it failed. The surrogate kept the baby and the family that was expecting the child didn't get to have it. They were just deflated.
Then I read a fictional book by a LDS author today that dealt with a couple with infertility. Reading the raw emotions was so painful. The struggle they went through to try and have a baby repeatedly. I was crying almost the whole book.
Realizing that there are women out there that will NEVER have what we do. Never get to feel a baby move and kick from within their womb. Never get that exhilarating feeling of pushing and hearing babies first cry. Never get to hold that child to their breast and inhale the sweet scent of my babies head while I nourish him/her.
I am so selfish. I have that chance. And I failed to enjoy it. I failed to be thankful for it.
It doesn't matter if I am ready for this. It doesn't matter what our family thinks. It doesn't matter if we understand the big picture or what plans we were already making.

For some reason, Heavenly Father saw fit to send us another precious child. I do not understand the reasons behind it. But how arrogant was I to question it? This baby is here for a reason. . because Heavenly Father wishes it to be so.

I am in awe. and I am so very humbled and thankful.

Visited Dr. L today

and so glad to say that there is only 1 BABY!!!

I cannot even begin to tell you how much of a relief that was. So we couldn't get the heartbeat, so he did a quick u/s to check since I am almost 12 weeks. Baby was there heart beating away. It actually looked like a baby this time. Very cool.

My BP was up at 140/100. But we did get it back down to 120/80 after a bit. I am also already spilling protein in my urine. I am hoping I am just dehydrated as I really don't want the pre-eclampsia to start so early this time.

Now I can tell Shawn to STOP teasing me about 2 babies and just enjoy the pregnancy....once I feel better that is.

And just because I haven't posted anything political lately, here you go again.



and my all time favorite:

First pair of longies knitted

These were knit from hand dyed malabrigo. size small. combo of the curly purly waist and LTK pattern along with a bit of stacy thrown in. I like the malabrigo for a small baby because it is so soft, and I don't have to worry about pilling as much because they dont' move as much! LOL
ok, so I learned what NOT to do while pregnant and exhausted.KNIT
I must wait until I am more awake before I continue on with what is on my needles. why?? well, because somehow, you can make mistakes. and I could not tell you how I did this....it wasn't that I just didn't move it from one side to the other. I actually KNIT IT into the pattern! Seriously, just could not figure it out! yes, that is my ROW COUNTER!!!!

we now call it longie baby bling! LOL