Not much to report today

I am still waiting on the results from my abdominal u/s from yesterday....resulting from a trip to the ER this weekend. My gallbladder, pancreas, aorta etc...all were checked yesterday. The pain I had this weekend was excrutiating...I'd almost say worse than a contraction! So now we sit and wait. It was a big mess in the ER and I won't even start with writing it all down here, suffice it to say-I wouldn't trust going in there again.

Good news is, I have been feeling the baby move. The ER could not find FHT's on the baby Sunday night so my OB had me come in for a quick check Monday morning. Not only is my fundal height higher than it should be for how far along I am (and we are SURE on dates) but I have an anterior placenta again. Heart looked good on baby and was beating fast. When he was looking for it, he got to one spot and as we heard the baby move on the doppler I felt it too....so all those little movements really were the baby! At only 14 weeks! :) I think the u/s that day was the first time I have actually cried during a scan...I was just so relieved to see the baby was ok.

So..now it is a waiting game to see how long it takes the radiologist to get her report to my OB. I hope it soon.

It is with great sadness tonight

that I share the passing of a great friend, Patsy.

Patsy was diagnosed with lung cancer in August of last year. She was ill with a cough for many months and the doctors never did a chest x-ray. By the time they checked, she had a tumor in her lung and the cancer had spread to her liver and brain.

Patsy fought very hard. We ran auctions to do fundraisers for the family and I collected quilt sqaures from our online communities to make her a quilt.

She was doing "fair" up until 3 days ago. Thursday. She was admitted to the hospital and went downhill from there. Today she was in a coma on life support.

She took her last breath at 9:30 EST. She leaves behind a husband and 7 children.

Patsy, I will always think of you when I see Captain Jack Sparrow. May you and your family have peace.

I will miss you.

Homeschooling and Socialization

http://www.inflatablestudios.com/
I came across this today and found it quite funny
I hear this all the time. "what about socialization?"

My answer? I want them to be civilized. Not socialized. And truly-what socialization do they learn at school? They learn to sit in a desk. They are told not to talk. And then they run around for 15 minutes at recess beating on each other. Teachers don't teach social skills. Parents do.

Humble

Until this week, I don't think I truly ever got what it meant to "be humbled"
I think I understand now.

Since I found out I was pregnant, I have struggled so much with upset feelings. Feelings of dismay, of anger, of indifference.
I had truly believed that we were done having kids and I was very excited contemplating what was going to be in store for me and our family in the next few years.
I had my plan set. School, maybe a trip.

Then this baby came and knocked me off my feet. I was in shock. Denial. Angry. Disbelieving. I kept wondering "WHY" Why did Heavenly Father do this to us? I was so very unhappy and have struggled to accept it.

Then the last 24 hours, I had the wind knocked out of me. And by a fictional book and television show to say the least. I was reminded of what was important.
It started last night watching TV. There were 2 scenarios. One was of a single woman who was getting older and wanted desperately to have a child. She had terminated a previous pregnancy and now found that she was out of time. She had no chance of having a baby. She had no eggs left. She was devastated.
The second was of a huge messy triangle of people that involved several men, a surrogate and a mother to be. Watching the desperation for a baby. Seeing the emotions when it failed. The surrogate kept the baby and the family that was expecting the child didn't get to have it. They were just deflated.
Then I read a fictional book by a LDS author today that dealt with a couple with infertility. Reading the raw emotions was so painful. The struggle they went through to try and have a baby repeatedly. I was crying almost the whole book.
Realizing that there are women out there that will NEVER have what we do. Never get to feel a baby move and kick from within their womb. Never get that exhilarating feeling of pushing and hearing babies first cry. Never get to hold that child to their breast and inhale the sweet scent of my babies head while I nourish him/her.
I am so selfish. I have that chance. And I failed to enjoy it. I failed to be thankful for it.
It doesn't matter if I am ready for this. It doesn't matter what our family thinks. It doesn't matter if we understand the big picture or what plans we were already making.

For some reason, Heavenly Father saw fit to send us another precious child. I do not understand the reasons behind it. But how arrogant was I to question it? This baby is here for a reason. . because Heavenly Father wishes it to be so.

I am in awe. and I am so very humbled and thankful.

Visited Dr. L today

and so glad to say that there is only 1 BABY!!!

I cannot even begin to tell you how much of a relief that was. So we couldn't get the heartbeat, so he did a quick u/s to check since I am almost 12 weeks. Baby was there heart beating away. It actually looked like a baby this time. Very cool.

My BP was up at 140/100. But we did get it back down to 120/80 after a bit. I am also already spilling protein in my urine. I am hoping I am just dehydrated as I really don't want the pre-eclampsia to start so early this time.

Now I can tell Shawn to STOP teasing me about 2 babies and just enjoy the pregnancy....once I feel better that is.

And just because I haven't posted anything political lately, here you go again.



and my all time favorite:

First pair of longies knitted

These were knit from hand dyed malabrigo. size small. combo of the curly purly waist and LTK pattern along with a bit of stacy thrown in. I like the malabrigo for a small baby because it is so soft, and I don't have to worry about pilling as much because they dont' move as much! LOL
ok, so I learned what NOT to do while pregnant and exhausted.KNIT
I must wait until I am more awake before I continue on with what is on my needles. why?? well, because somehow, you can make mistakes. and I could not tell you how I did this....it wasn't that I just didn't move it from one side to the other. I actually KNIT IT into the pattern! Seriously, just could not figure it out! yes, that is my ROW COUNTER!!!!

we now call it longie baby bling! LOL

Midwife persecution

I just don't understand why society is so afraid to believe and trust in their bodies to have a baby. Why they are so afraid to allow midwives to continue to deliver babies.
The statistics, if they bothered to look, supports the saftey of homebirth and birthing center births. The statistics show that babies born with midwives out of a hospital setting have lower numbers of problems during the birth. They have better outcomes. They have better breastfeeding rates. There is so much I could write here about statistics that would make your eyes glaze over!
Why are they so afraid?
Because a homebirth or birthing center birth doesn't get society any money.
Society gains with hospital births. With inductions and micro-managed births and c-sections.
Yes, there is a place for Obstetrics. They should be attending to the higher risk pregnant women. Leave the low-risk women to the midwives. Let them have the birth they want.
Did you know Idaho wants to take this away? Legislature is going on to stop midwives. To keep births in a hospital setting. To get involved in every little detail. They don't care to even look at the numbers. They only want the doctors numbers. No, not the numbers of the bad outcomes that OB's do have...they want the numbers the doctors provide of transports. They want the numbers from the doctors that they can twist to make the midwives look bad.
If they drop this legilsature, then the doctors lose money. That is the bottom line.

As a doula (professional labor support) and a mother of 6, who is currently pregnant-it disgusts me. At one point my dream was to become a midwife. But what is going on in this country is scary. We would do very well to look at the birthing ideals and statistics from other countries. This is not the place that the USA prevails.

I still love what I do. To be there at a birth, to help a mother through her labor and see that sweet baby afterwards and know that I helped this mom have a beautiful birth that she wanted....there is nothing like it.
But I do get discouraged. I would urge all people in Idaho to write letters to their legislators urging them to not take away the midwives. To not let them control and bind the hands of the midwives. To let us CHOOSE OUR BIRTH.

It has to end sometime right?

I am so tired of being sick. So tired of being tired. I probably have said this all before, but I am going to vent about it again. This pregnancy is kicking my butt. Maybe I am not dealing with it as well because I didn't want to have another baby? Or maybe it just is that much harder than the others. It probably is a little of both.

I went for my accupuncture treatment the other day and had some relief. I had actually started feeling good a few days before that (well, better on the nausea) but I woke up today just wanting to flush my head down the toilet. I've been so sick all day again. Nothing I eat settles at all. It really sucks.

I did make it to the grocery store. I think most of the meals this week are meat free and bland. I have noticed that the more meat *I* eat, the more bloated and crappy I feel, so I am following my bodies promptings and cutting it back heavily to see what kind of improvement I can feel.

Kaitlyn is still meat free. It has been almost 3 months. She hasn't been tempted once, and I am so very proud of her for making this decision and sticking to it. It is important to her.

Isabella cut some MORE of her hair off tonight. I swear if she doesn't stop soon she will have hair the length of conners! And I swear if Shawn doesn't stop leaving scissors down where she can get them I am going to let HER cut HIS hair! LOL

Shawn will not stop with the insistence that I am having another twin pregnancy. He doesn't seem to get it when I tell him how much it is stressing me out. I wish he would stop because it actually hurts me feelings. I know he thinks it is funny, but having told him how much it bothers me-and then his insistence in doing it makes me feel like he doesn't care how much he is hurting me.

Our store is still doing well. I have had to ake a few weeks off from stocking since I have been so sick. Hopefully I can start again soon.

Shawn told his mom tonight about the baby. I guess his brother Paul and wife Amy are also expecting again (their 3rd) They are due 2 weeks after I am! We are going to have a baby boom!

ack-too tired....will write more later.

Why must uneducated people be able to talk?

I mean really. If you have not educated yourself on an issue, then why are you trying to give your input on a subject that you don't know anything about? Do you not realize how dumb you sound?
I am on several message boards. Granted, they are more "natural" parenting. But we get a lot of mainstream folks over there that just gasp with shock over things we say! And then proceed to give their input on every subject and have no idea what they are even talking about.
Oh yes, homeopathics are not helpful. Tell that to my daughter whose fever can be broke in 15 minutes with a dose that is not at all harmful to her body vs 3-4-6 doses of tylenol or ibuprophen that do nothing.
Every boy should be circumcised. Because it is necessary...see previous rants on that.
Vaccines, well of course they are totally safe, because if there were reactions, then surely the CDC would have that information on their site right?
Just because a doctor or nurse tells you something doesn't make it true. There is a whole world of information out there. Research you need to find yourself. If you have children, you need to be informed. You need to be educated. YOURSELF. Not just blindly following the information crammed down your throat.

Until you can say that you do really know, be quiet.

Time to play catch up.

So, I haven't blogged in a while. Part of it was the pregnancy and morning sickness and pure exhaustion. Part of it was reading my stat counter and finding out just who in the extended family network was reading my blog.
Then I decided "eh, screw it" if they want to read my personal life, go right ahead! They might actually learn something about me and get to know ME.

So things have been tough the last few weeks. I am beyond tired and ill. This has been the worst pregnancy ever. It is unlike any of the others. And I don't know what this baby is...which is abnormal for me. The only time this has ever happened before was when I was pregnant with the twins. It wasn't until after I lost one of them that I knew the remaining baby was a girl. Shawn of course thinks that this is a sign (combined with everything else) that we are having twins again and is predicting 2 boys...identical. I don't-but I am putting it out there just for the record! LOL

I am having my first accupuncture treatment this weekend and I am very excited! My friend Julie is an accupuncturist and also does chinese medicine. I plan on having her work with me throughout the pregnancy.

I am still having issues with my blood sugars. But I do think they are getting better.

Saturday, we are going to start on our garden. I hope. We bought the seeds again. Lets see if they get planted vs sitting on the counter all year! LOL

Thats all for now.

Wow-this got me! LOL

You Are An ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done. You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knitting. Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you. Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy. You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

What's" Your Personality Type?

So more baby ponderings

so, my biggest fear in the 2 pregnancies is that we would have another boy, and have to have the circumcision debate.

Shawn has the "but he will look different than me, he will look different from his brothers" argument.

The Daddy story

I still say no. I asked him to please read the description and view the video before making his decision. Had I known then what I know now about circumcision, I would have never done it with the other boys.

Description of how it is done complete with pictures

Video intro page (make sure to click on 'proceed to download' to get the video)

why? why would you cause your newborn baby that kind of pain for something so un-needed? Do you know the facts on circumcision? Most do not.

• No national or international medical association recommends routine circumcision
• There is no MEDICAL reason for circumcision. It is purely cosmetic.
• Depending on the amount of skin cut off, circumcision robs a male of as much as 80 percent or more of his penile skin
• Circumcision desensitizes
• Circumcision is unhygienic and unhealthy
• No special care is needed for the uncircumcised penis
• More and more insurance companies are NOT covering circumcision as it becomes more known as an elective procedure. You will also find it harder to have a physician willing to perform it.
• IT IS PAINFUL. Don't let them fool you with the "this anesthesia will take away the pain" IT HURTS. Period.

Education is key. Don't just swallow the line they try to feed you. Look into it yourself. Protect your son.

Insanity has set in

can I tell you-this freaking pregnancy induced insanity is driving me crazy??

we had dinner early tonight. 2 hours ago I turned to dh and said "why am I so hungry?" him: "uh-duh!!!"

so I decide to make something else to eat..decide on grilled cheese. dh goes to make it, the kids ate all the bread!! So I sit her for 1 hour thinking about it. ...in the meantime, oldest son gets Shawn his shoes and says "lets go get mom something to eat"

Shawn gets dressed, starts to leave and I am thinking he is going to get me something to eat.

I am confused, and I send Kailtyn running out to the car to ask if he wants to know what I want to eat. She comes back in and says "he is just going to get a loaf of bread to make you a sandwhich"

to which I promptly burst into tears because I no longer want a darned grilled cheese sandwhich-I want a hamburger at 11pm!

*sigh* this really sucks.

The moon must be full

because I swear all the women online are going nutso.

Childish. Mean. Self serving. Immature behavior.

You would think at our age, we'd be past highschool crap like that.

*insert a big rolling eyes*

You can't beat good friends-and I am glad I have the best!

First knitting for baby

Cloth diaper sleeper sack

Sometimes Heavenly Father has a funny way

of reminding you that He is in charge.

Last year we made plans for our family.
1) We were done having children. 6 was enough. Isabella was even a surprise for us since with my medical condition, we are not supposed to be able to get pregnant on our own due to my lack of ovulation.
2) I was going back to school next year when Bella was 4 to finish my degree in Criminal Justice-the preperation for moving on to another school (if needed) to get any more education I needed for investigating crime scenes. We figured next year was good because she could go with me and attend the preschool on campus and I wouldn't be leaving her for long
3) We could sell our home and move -and get away from this horrible family we live next to that hurts our children.
4) We started decluttering-getting rid of anything that was too small for the kids and giving it all away. We still have quite a bit of junk to get rid of, but we took a whole van full of clothing and toys and baby things that we didn't need.
We had great plans. We forgot to ask Heavenly Father if they were the right plans.

So this last week, He reminded us that He is in control.



Out the window went all of our planning.

It's funny. Shawn accepted it easier than I did. I cried. I didn't want to have another baby. We were just leaving that whole baby phase and was moving on to a place where our family was growing and we were really starting to do a lot of fun stuff together.
Shawn laughed. He knew that for some reason, Heavenly Father wants us to have this child. I know that too-it is just harder for me to accept. I am scared. My pre-eclampsia has gotten worse each pregnancy. My blood sugars get worse. It is pretty hard on me.

I am more worried about telling family. I know my mom will be very accepting. She believes in Shawn and I. She knows that we love our children and treat them well. It is everyone else I am worried about.

*sigh*

I am so tired and nauseated. I keep falling asleep off and on during the day, then I can't sleep at night. I saw Dr. Lowder the other day to confirm and he said everything looks great. He was excited for us. The shock and panic have started to wear off and I am feeling a bit of excitement.

We have to re-buy everything as we gave it all away!

So there it is. The best laid plans...blah blah blah.

New baby, joining our family around November 13th 2007

I hope He knows what He is doing! LOL

Update on the family

so, Shawn is leaving for Texas for a week. Training for work-and of course it just happens to be the same time as spring break! OY! LOL I am going to be a bit frazzled I think by the time he gets back.

We finished the gymnastics season and decided to take a break for a year. Competition is so time consuming-and we want to do more things right now besides live at the gym!

Spring has come-and it is so nice and cheerful to have the sunlight. It makes the days so nice-although I do miss curling up on the couch with a good book on a cloudy/rainy day!
My biggest concern with spring/summer coming is the next door neighbors children. It is a big laugh that the father has issues with our parenting, yet his children are out of control! He doesn't think we are good parents because we do things different-we don't beat our children. We aren't abusive. But we are the bad ones here.
His kids beat my boys up. Throw rocks at the girls over the fence in the backyard. Shoot the kids with their air gun pellets--but our kids are no good.
I am afraid to even let them go outside to play. I wish we could move. It is so weird, because Shawn and I both felt so good about this move. We could feel it as soon as we walked in-but to have our children hurt like this in our home?


My business is doing well. Each stocking sells out very quick. I try to post some of the stuff I do on my crafty blog: Stitch N Knit


We are talking of doing a garden this year. We have a huge area on the side of the house that is perfect. I haven't ever been too successful at growing something, but I am going to try!

Bella is potty training! I can't believe it. Finally! No more diapers! LOL

I think that is all for the update for now!

Other miscellaneous projects

Quilts

I thought I had posted these, but I can't see them anywhere.

So this was Isabellas quilt I did for her. All kinds of fun textures in the fabric. I screwed up cutting so a few rows are a bit off, but oh well! It wasn't meant to be perfect!



close up-it is laying crooked-the quilt itself is not crooked! LOL


The sock monkey quilt top for my brother in law's new baby

close up of the fabrics before I ironed it.


A rag quilt for a friend who had a preemie baby (I also made some preemie hats, some preemie pants and a quilted tote bag for her daughter)


and the pants:



a quilt square for a friend's quilt who was diagnosed with cancer--she always makes me think of the tree of life, thus the tree -again, my taking pictures straight doesn't seem to happen very often and I had not ironed this yet, but it is/was perfectly square! LOL


and a quilt square for the mom whose daughter died from leukemia very quickly after being diagnosed--she loved to be a princess - the tiara was appliqued

All I can say is wow

I sit here tonight just amazed at the change in my son.
Noah started his new medications a month ago. He switched from Zoloft (which was causing him to be worse) to Trazadone. I was scared to start him on the trazadone because of the studies I had read online about the trazadone and the increase in childhood-related suicide, but I felt really good about it this time when the doctor suggested it so we made the switch.
I can't even believe the change in him.
Don't get me wrong, he still has moments of his hyper-irritablity reaction. He still has moments of not being able to self soothe...but he actually seems happy sometimes.
This weekend as we were driving somewhere, he was just sitting in the van smiling! YES-smiling - at nothing in particular. just sitting there smiling and having fun.
He was playing with Shawn and the kids tonight...and he even leaned into me when I gave him a hug yesterday. He didn't stand all stiff as a board like normal and refuse to allow me to show him affection. he actually let me do it and gave back just a little.
I wanted to cry.
Right now he is only on the 25mg-and his dose will be upped to the 50mg. We will see how he does then.

What a different kid I have right now!

wow-I haven't shared much lately (moved)

but we have been so busy!
we had the grand opening of our new ONLINE STORE that was an awesome success! We almost sold out everything within 24 hours (most of it was gone the first 30 minutes!!!)
Here are a few things I did just for the store:

Needle rolls for a huge auction that was available





Another set with knitted notions bag...with my OWN pattern! WOO HOO-the yarn is hand dyed BFL




Another cute set, circular roll and markers



And then my beautiful BFL yarn in the Jade Monkey colorway



This is a custom order set I did for a lady on hyenacart, and the goldfish were very hard to send off!